this entry was unedited as i wanted my thoughts poured out onto text as they happened..
As I wrap up my official Junior year of College, my thoughts have shifted from extreme positivity and overwhelming happiness to a more mellow subdued personality. I still have my emotions in the right place, as I’m super content with the progress I’m making in my life… But I’m missing my hyper, uplifting self. The winter blues are REAL here in Washington. The sky turns a permanent fog of grey, and I haven’t seen dry ground in weeks. School and work are such top priorities in my life, which is important. But, I have a hard time mixing fun and free time into that equation. I think part of the problem is that why I classify “fun” is different from most of my friends. Being 21 comes with a lot of drinking and bars and beer. Don’t get me wrong I occasionally love going downtown, grabbing some drinks with my friends and dancing my worries away. But lately it’s just not been on my list of things to do, like at all. In a way it’s really nice, i’ve never been much of a heavy drinker and I definitely love waking up without a piercing headache, but at the same time I feel a bit excluded from the group since partying is what’s been joining my friends together. I sometimes ask the question “what’s wrong with me?” I think that I’m in the wrong in not wanting to join in on those activities. But I need to remember that we all might just be different, and different is okay. Lately i’ve found tons of pleasure in cooking, cleaning, the gym, organizing my room to make me feel comfortable and cozy, hanging out with my family, going on walks, coffee. Boring, right?
Ending my Junior year is exciting and unsatisfactory all at the same time. I’m proud of myself for making it so far into my college career with success, but also frustrated with how long it takes to get your degree and finally move on into whatever “adulthood” is. I have so many big plans for after graduation (blog post to come) that I would rather be focusing on that, then the Business Calculus homework sitting in front of me (i’m not kidding, it’s really right here).
The time between Thanksgiving and Christmas is no fun. You get a teaser of what life with no school is like. Home for the holiday, with family and childhood friends, free wine with your parents and the homey atmosphere you get from being home after a long time. Only for Thanksgiving to end and for it to be Finals Week. I’m so close to the end of quarter, I keep reminding myself.
November is cold and wet and dark and a lot of work. November is good food, family time, holiday breaks, winter sweaters, hot tea, holiday scented candles, discounts (God bless black Friday), and so much to be thankful for..
focus on the good even if its hidden behind cloudy skies 🙂